I Am Forever Changed

We can't wait for you to hear this powerful story from Anise! She was on the Camino Retreat with us in May 2024 and it reveals the power of our stories. Grab a cup of Laleigh Coffee and sit back, relax and read. We were all taken right back to these moments as we read each word!

I Am Forever Changed: By Anise

The experience that is the Camino de Santiago is almost impossible to explain because you have to be there to really get it.

My Camino journey started by getting the "call' to go. I had never heard of the Camino before and the first time I'd ever heard of it was on December 10th, while having brunch with my husband's mentor and his wife.  

The second time was 2 weeks later on Christmas Eve while doing an early morning women's hike and breathwork event. After we were done walking, we were set up in groups of 4 and given a prompt for what we wanted to do in 2024.

As I sit down, one of the women in my group says, "Are you married to Mark?" Now I note that this is important because Mark was my beloved husband and he passed away on August 7, 2023 after a brief yet brave fight against aggressive lung cancer. The way she spoke, I knew at that moment that she didn't know Mark had passed. We ended up having a lovely conversation and one of the other women, Lauren, was sitting next to me and said, "I plan healing excursions for people and I finally figured out what the 2024 trip will be. I had a dream and woke up at 2am and wrote it down and text my friend Jess who already leads trips on the Camino. We're planning a trip to walk the Camino de Santiago." I looked at her and said, "Did you say Camino de Santiago?" She said yes, to which I responded, "I guess I'm going to Spain."

I tell you all of that to give context for what I mean when I say, "the call" to go. You see, we all came in as strangers, and under various circumstances but we all had stories of feeling compelled to be there without any understanding of why and just how profound our experience(s) would be.

I have been to Europe many times but never to Spain, so my inner control freak was definitely triggered. I tend to be a planner and as such, my contingency plans have contingency plans. I now realize that it's a trauma response but that's a different story...

As I was preparing to go, I had to figure out how to get to a town in Spain called Vigo. Coming from L.A. there were few direct flights, so I had to take 3 planes, a train and an automobile to get there. I flew out early on May 27th and at first I was thinking, " It's going to be late when I get there, I should look for a place to eat because I'm sure I'll be hungry." But as quickly as that thought left, this question came to me: What if you didn't plan and figure it out? What if you allowed things to happen just as they are supposed to? What if you trusted the process?

I flew from LAX->MIA->Barcelona->Santiago de Compostela. Hopped in a car that I scheduled and had a memorable ride from the airport to the train station. The driver spoke no English and I spoke minimal Spanish. But somehow we understood one another just fine. I got the train to Vigo and then found my hotel. By the time I arrived at the hotel it was already 7:30pm on the 28th.I was starving so I decided to walk around and see town a bit. I found a shopping mall and thought, I'd love a burger and a beer(I know I was in Spain but that's what came to mind). I walk up the escalator and what do I see? A restaurant that specializes in burgers and beers. And while it's a small example, it shows how things can unfold if we just allow and that is a big part of the experience that is the Camino.

Each day felt like a new revelation and realization for each of us, but as those beautiful moments of clarity, awareness, aliveness and ultimately healing happened, we were supported by these other amazing humans in a way that was both safe and affirming. What I took from it is that we are all more alike than we are different and we are all connected in ways that we cannot comprehend.

I thought I was going on a grief pilgrimage so that I could process the loss of my mother and husband two weeks apart last year. But what I found was anything but that. I reconnected with parts of myself that I didn't know I'd disconnected from and learned the following:

1. I learned that being in nature will always help me connect with a higher power.  

2. I learned that grief isn't something you get over, go through or process. Grief is to be integrated, because it's actually a gift when you can see beyond the hurt. You were loved by and loved someone on such a deep level that they are forever part of the tapestry that is your life. Now I would never say that to someone in the early phases of grief or who is having a tough time because grief isn't just one thing and I know that my experience may not be typical. But, the Camino helped me right size this mysterious thing called grief in a way that I am so grateful for.  

3. I learned and was reminded of what a BADASS I truly am. My shoes will be going in a shadow box in my office to remind me when I doubt myself.

4. Lastly and probably most importantly, I learned to Trust The Process and Release. Letting go of control is scary but in letting go is where the freedom to be present lies.  

I was on a high for at least 2 weeks after I got back. I don't know that I have fully downloaded the adventure but I do know this, I am not the same person I left as. And learning to trust the process and release has been an invaluable gift.

The Camino de Santiago is a magical, spiritual and emotional experience that I will never forget. And those beautiful humans that walked with me are forever family to me.

#CamigosForever